I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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