I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
