i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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