It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
