you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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