1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
