So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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