I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
