Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize