I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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