Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
