At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
