so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
