You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize