Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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