I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
