5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
