I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
