If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
