before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize