forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
