We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Houston, we have a blender
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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