i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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