Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
