What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
