i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
