I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
