this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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