Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
