cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
