I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
