I wannas sexs uuuuu
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
