I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
