also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
