smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
