it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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