I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize