Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize