i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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