Girls should come with a carfax report
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
