Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
