Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no, he came in my armpit
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
