you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
