I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
