i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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