So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They have beer where we have blood.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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