btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
