Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
