Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
