I want to make a zoo with you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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