You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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