dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
