I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize