I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
