I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
