im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
