I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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