Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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