Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
