I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
