And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize