it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
