im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize